Kid Quotes and Short Stories

Funny Kid Quotes

My favorite funny kid quote...

“ Don't kid me, Mom, I know they're my feet.”
-- 3 year old son, when his mother told him his shoes were on the wrong feet.


Don't kid me, Mom, I know they're my feet.
-- 3 year old son, when his mother told him his shoes were on the wrong feet.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email.
-- 4 year old girl, misquoting the Lord's Prayer.

I didn't look much -- I've only got little eyes!
-- 7 year old, about to be scolded for peeking at her Christmas presents.

This is the biggest CD I've ever seen!
-- On first seeing a record.

You know those big CDs?
-- High school student describing a record.

Great Funny Kid Stories

Funny Kid Story #1

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.

He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."

His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

Funny Kid Story #2

I had a party a few weeks ago, and a really good friend of the family had brought some cousins, about 7 and 5 years old.

Older Kid: "I bet you're 40."

Younger Kid: "No, he's 80!"

Older Kid: "85!"

Younger Kid: "No, he's 100!"

Older Kid: "He's not 100, that's when you die."

Funny Kid Story #3

The other day my five year old grandson was lounging on my lap.

Him: "Poppop, you have hair in your nose."

Me: "Everybody has hair in their nose."

Him: "But you have a lot of hair in your nose."

Me: "Well, it's not growing on top of my head very well. I have to grow it somewhere."

Him: (thoughtful pause) "Do you want me to pull some of it out for you?"

I declined the offer.

Funny Kid Story #4

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

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